Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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