I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
