My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
