I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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