how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
