I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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