So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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