bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
