Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
