Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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