She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
