is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
