he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
