I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
