Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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