Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
