I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
