Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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