Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
