i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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