remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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