he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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