I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
