Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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