Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
