Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
