we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
