I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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