Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
