Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
