I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
