This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
