if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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