I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize