I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
