He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
