U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize