I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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