i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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