Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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