By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
