are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
