It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
