I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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