I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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