Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
