I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
