Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
