tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Randomize
