Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
