Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
