you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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