We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
