I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
