Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
