You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
