I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
