Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
