i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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