My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
