you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
