he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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