Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
