I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
