In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
