I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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