Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
