Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
